life is lucious.

i did once have a patient named "lucious."

okay, i'm trying soo hard to not violate HIPAA here... but there are some things i just MUST share. if you feel that i am violated HIPAA in any way... please notify me so i can quickly delete &not be terminated.

quick overview of a couple of my patients:

1. dx: psychosis
[&more medical things that are unrelated at this time]

2. dx: psychosis

did i accidently get a job at a mental health facility and not notice? our hospital is connected [literally, through swinging doors] to a mental health facility. that means when they get medically unstable or anything they decide they don't wan to handle anymore, they send them on over to us.

that means my sweet little job is to change the bed [the entire bed: fitted sheet, draw sheet, green pads, blue pads, diaper, gown, sheet, blanket, abdominal binder] of a 6'2, 200 lb man [#2] who has so sweetly requested orange juice and then decided to stick his thumb through the styrofoam cup so his bed could enjoy the orange juice too... while he is IN the bed? did i mention his arms and feet are tied to the bed and his hands are in mittens? did i mention he is hooked up to an IV and also has a very easily fiddled with tube coming out of his stomach? did i mention he thrashes uncontrollably and grabs at us and yells out things like "sexual harassment!" [while i am so calming trying to check his blood sugar] or "hookers! chinese hookers! black hookers! ugly hookers!" or "one zillion, one zillion, one zillion" [repeated approxiamately one zillion time] or "bomb! bomb! atomic bomb! you gotta get out! there's gonna be a bomb!" [that one was his particular favorite].

my job indeed. stressful. fulfilling.

let me be the first to say i earn my money.



  1. I'm glad there are people like you in the world who can handle these poor suffering people. I couldn't do it in a million years, not for all the money in the world!!

  2. I heart this. It reminds me of five months of my life spend working in the Ahlz. unit. BEST/funniest/scaries/craziest/most entertaining/most fullfilling 5 months of my life. I love those people. You go girl. Keep the stories coming, they give me warm fuzzies.

  3. Without examples like this there would be no such thing as a case study in my psychology book. No HIPAA violations, plus my boss the marriage counselor violates it all the time as he tells me names and stories of his patients and all their problems . . .
    My fav part was the Hooker shouts. And how did he stick his finger through the Styrofoam with mittens on? However, if I was crazy, I would be the happiest for you to take care of me.

  4. this is a little sad/funny/great. your such the best nurse. we all know it <3

  5. I love reading your blog - and I love this one about your job - I still love my job and one of my favorite things about it is the things that people say. Here is an example - Me - What can I do to help you today? Old dude - "well it feels like Satan himself has reached up and grabbed me by the scrotum." Me - (trying to remain professional) oh well that sounds painful. Old dude - "Yes maam it is and now that it has moved down the shaft it just seems wrong - would you like to take a look?" Me- as I quickly move towards the door - "Um the Doctor will be right in"
    I love those old guys - glad to hear things are good - i am sure you are a wonderful nurse and southern folks are the best - have a good day!