missing the innumerable, exponential amount of friends we had in rexburg [or so it seems now].
jealous of the social network.
jealous of everyone who lives in western us.
do you realize how joyous it is to live close to people you love?
do you appreciate having friends who appreciate you in all your silly, crazy, stupidness?
do you take advantage of living by family?
missing people.
skype is not cutting it.
i just feel like we are different here.
feels like different everything.
sometimes i lash out at dan &say "WHY DID YOU BRING ME HERE???"
and he laughs and smiles and hugs me in an attempt to comfort me while i hit him.
i have forgotten what it's like to have girlfriends.
to be able to just be with friends and enjoy just being with a friend.
i have one friend who i feel close to out here in bermuda, and he's my eternal soul mate.
friendships must be forced, like hard work.
all i would need is one, and i would be happy.

i'm positive i'm breaking some sort of idolatry/jealousy commandment, so just go down and read my other blog entry about happiness so they can cancel out at least.


  1. I can see that you need a little dose of love from your extended family to tell you that you and Dad are loved .We miss you and know that it will be but a short time till you may live in the west and we 'll be able to be with you. Have you read the little book by Sister Hinkley called LETTER'S. I cried when I read know she missed her family while she lived in Denver,so far from home and family, and only the USPS could bring her letters. I remember how far away I felt when we moved from Nebraska to Utah. Tell Dan hi and congrats on his excellent grades. love you peachy

  2. i love you. i'm sorry your lonely right now. but only a few more years (and i'm sure in that time you'll make some good friends) and then you'll be reunited with family. i love you!!!!! <3 landmu forever BCF.

  3. Think of all the women in your life and the qualities that made them such good friends to you. Watch for the little things that women who surround you now are doing that you recognize as wonderful. Then, invite them to dinner, a movie, fishing, or even just offer to pick them up for shopping. You never know, you might hit it off and add to the friend repertoire. Loves.

  4. Oh my dear Rachael! I just finished writing and when I went to post it, it vanished! I just want you to know that even though you are separated by miles...you are not separated from all who love you in our thoughts and our hearts! I remember feeling just exactly the same way when we moved to Las Vegas. The Lord provided those special friends, but in the meantime Daddy and I were so blessed to develop and rely on each other through the years. You bless so many lives honey, many who you have impacted upon in specific and important ways. Just know that you are not alone and just in posting your feelings, you have probably blessed others...Someone else needed to hear that they are not alone and that even an amazing outgoing and adorable Rachael James Mulder feels lonely sometimes. All my love my dear and precious daughter! Can you feel my arms wrapped around you and hugging you right now? Well they are!!! Love, Mama

  5. For Trev's FBI application, he put Alabama as one of the states he would relocate to....so maybe we could be neighbors!?!?!

    <3 u

  6. thank you all for your love!!!! i am feeling better already :] and lindsey... FBI? ALABAMA??? what is all this talk??! i must know...