sparkles of happiness

We are in such a good place right now. Such a good place that I never want to leave! I want to build on this "good place" and only make it better. We feel so guided. Like two little butterflies happily fluttering in Heavenly Father's hands. He has us right where we are supposed to be and we are loving it. I can't imagine a better feeling than that. Knowing you are doing what God wants you to do and he is overseeing your life and direction. I always want to feel that way and have that direction and peace in my life. Heavenly Father let me struggle and go through a really hard time for a while, and then he so gracefully pulled me out and made me better. Not only made me better than I was, but made me better than I ever would have thought I could be.

my thankful list:

1. danny

He is too good. Always patient and always sweet. He never judges me. He always makes me feel like I am the best. He notices and appreciates every little thing I do. He gives me all the loves and kisses I need (which is a lot). He is always happily willing to take out the trash and scrub the tub and do all those dirty jobs I don't like. The other day at church he said...

D: "I like it when you're tired and helpless."

R: "Why? Because I don't bug you about stuff?"

D: "No, because I get to take care of you."

I'm glad he likes it, because he gets to take care of me every day for forever. We really are best friends. Like when you are a little kid and you want to have your best friend come over and you get so excited to play. It's just like that. We try to always take time to have fun together. The other day we went on a bike ride around the park. Another day we went on a walk around a nearby lake. Another day we went to the Homecoming parade with our favorite friends and had an ice cream date afterwards. I was looking through my blog earlier and saw all the fun things we do together and I'm so glad we still prioritize that. I never want to get so busy that we don't have time to sit and play Uno or just dance around the house or sing duets while Dan plays the guitar. We're still like two little kids in love, adore being together, painful to be apart.

I

am

the

luckiest

girl

in

history.

I'm sure of it.

2. my parents

They are the sweetest. They are so good to me. I was telling Dan the other day that the best thing about them is their unconditional love. They define it. I know they love me more than I can even comprehend and they always will. I know I can call them any hour of day or night and they will answer. And every single time they pick up the phone and I'm on the other end they say "Hi Honey!!!!" or "Rachael!!!" in the most enthusiastic, sincerely excited voice as if we haven't talked in weeks, and we talk at least every other day. I look to them for approval and advice in everything I do. I am so blessed to have two amazing people who have raised me and I'm lucky enough to call my own. I absolutely love them!

3. dan's parents

They have loved me from day one, probably before I had even proven that I deserved their love! They have always treated me like their own. They are the most supportive people. Whatever Dan and I do, they are right there behind us cheering us on. They are always proud of us and our decisions. We love our Skype dates, each on our own couch, pretending like we are just relaxing in the living room together. We savor and cherish our moments together, as they are surely not enough. Hopefully that will change soon! I absolutely love them!

4. our baby

This past week or so my love for this little one has grown exponentially. He is such a part of me (literally and emotionally!). It has been so fun to have him moving so much more. He never lets me forget he's in there. I spend half my days with my chin down staring and my dancing belly. "I think that was his hand!!!!" "He's doing a somersault!!" I feel slightly underprepared and overwhelmed for what lies ahead, but that's only a small fraction of the peace I feel. I know I have felt nervous for all the changes that are coming my way, but I know when I see my baby's face it will all be different. I will feel like I am home. That all those fears were totally silly because this is what I am meant to do and who I am meant to be. I can only imagine the love I will feel for this little creature who will be the perfect blend of myself and the one I love more than anything else.

5. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

Temple trip last week- perfection

Conference last weekend- nourishment to a starving soul

My scripture study has taken on a new meaning to me. I have set a challenge for myself and it has been the greatest blessing already. I feel like I am becoming a new person in Christ. When I read my scriptures I feel like I'm reading a story and I'm excited to flip the page. It's like it's a magical book that you open and happiness and peace and comfort and advice come shooting out in sparkles and lights from Heaven. Available to little old me, whenever I want it! How amazing.

It's the little things. How many times can I say this? The prayers, the scriptures, the Family Home Evenings, the little prayer that never leaves me heart, the best CD's on marriage that I have been listening to in the car... Heavenly Father blesses us soo much if we are consistent in the little things and prove our dedication to Him and his Gospel. We give an inch and he gives us ten acres back.  

I feel undeserving of my blessings. How can I be so blessed, so lucky, so protected? How can I have so much love in my life? I honestly, truly believe I am the luckiest girl on Earth. Picture a little red plastic heart smushed in between soft clouds of love and gold & silver sparkles of happiness and expensive down comforters full of blessings, that's me. Call it naive, but I feel it.

Sweet Sabbath

Oh, how sweet is the day of the Sabbath. (I feel like I should use correct grammar and punctuation for this post. I do know how.)

Sundays are divinely appointed and designed. A day where if we are smart enough we will listen to the commandments and not shop, study, or really work at all. To me, that sounds like the greatest day ever! Then why do we have trouble following it? Maybe six days of relentless work just is not enough for some. For me, it's plenty. We can and should work on Sundays, but nice work that is full of service and love. We can visit our friends and family members, administer to the sick or afflicted (where Dan is at this very moment, in fact), or even make cookies and deliver them to people! (That one sounds like the most fun to me.) 

Our world bombards us with crazy music, busy commercials and advertisements, immodest clothing and language, and other inappropriate things trying to squeeze their measly little way into our lives. It is nearly impossible to be a normally functioning person in society and not be affected by these influences. That's where the Sabbath comes in. One day a week we are protected from the abounding evils around us. The television stays off (unless you are watching a wholesome film of some sort), the music stays pure, and the errands get a day off. We get to be at home with our families... loving and enjoying and being happy. This day is very needed once a week. We love Sunday and are thankful that once a week we are able to take the Sacrament and remember our Savior. 

Sundays have gotten harder for me over the past two years, but I have gained an added appreciation for them. My schedule is a little odd. I work eight nights in a row and then have six nights off. So every other Sunday it's a struggle for me to get to church, let alone be pleasant and participatory. I think I have done pretty well. I go to Sacrament meeting every (99% of the time) Sunday and all three meetings 90% (maybe 85%) of the time (minus emotional breakdown nights were I simply can not function without alligator tears running down my cheeks). I have really grown to appreciate an uplifting three full hours of church. Three hours of church on no sleep and a tired body and worn-out attitude don't make for the most attentive Rachael. So every other week when I get to sleep the night before church, wake up and spend a little time getting ready, and feel like I am actually there during church is really a special treat for me. 

I wish I did not work on Sundays at all, but thankfully I am still able to go to church. We have made it work, but I have vowed to myself to never work on Sundays again. I didn't fight hard enough for it when I started my job. I know they probably could have worked around my insistence to not work on Sundays. I have learned from this experience and want to grow and become better from it. The gospel is first. Going to church every single week is of utmost importance. I won't ever let this get jumbled with worldly concerns again.

Thank you, Dan, for giving a beautiful talk today and how the little things in life really make the biggest difference. How are we supposed to have meaningful scripture study and prayers and listen to the Spirit in our lives and fight off temptation if we do not attend church on Sundays and partake of the Sacrament? This truly should be the crowning moment of our weeks. I am thankful and blessed I have the opportunity so readily available to me. :)

the ponderings of my heart

Luke 2:19 - "But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart."

I can relate to Mary. My mind has been one of deep reflection and pondering over the past few months, especially over the past weeks since the illness and passing of my faithful, strong, indescribably wonderful Grandfather. My father was blessed enough to receive all of my grandfather's books at his passing. I was blessed enough to receive a copy of my grandfather's autobiography... which is a complete gem and basically scripture to me. Let me struggle through this, because it is completely and surely impossible for me to even try to describe how I feel.

As the sun rose this morning I laid down with that precious book my grandpa wrote as I left my current existence and joined his. Every sentence, every story, every event in his life was... guided. And took him on a path exactly where he was meant to go. Every occasion that brought him the slightest bit of pain or hardship hurts my heart more than I can bear. But I know these events molded him into the unbreakable stone of a man he is.

When he was eleven years old, his older brother was beginning to attend priesthood meetings. Grandpa was not yet old enough but the bishop understood his need for the male companionship and so he allowed him to come along. Grandpa says, "I started to attend priesthood meetings early and still remember some of the lessons given at those meetings, one in particular on "The Fraternalism of the Priesthood." It had a profound impact on me as I contemplated then and even now as I think of the brotherhood of the priesthood."

This gives us even a tiny glimpse of the man my grandfather was even at eleven years old. The stories are endless. He has so many accounts of faithfulness and obedience in his life that have led to miracles where the Lord was able to extend His hand in my grandfather's life.

My grandfather was faithful. He was a rock of obedience and righteousness. He understood where happiness was found and what was truly mattered in life. He put the Gospel and his family above all else. As I eagerly read from page to page I was so excited for the parts about my father. My dear dad has such an unbelievably special place in my heart, and I know I do in his too. It was wonderful to read my grandfather's words about my father. "He has always been strong in body and spirit." It is clear to me that my father had a special place in his father's heart. And I feel that special love from my grandpa passed on to me (as I am sure every grandchild does).

As I read about my heritage and see how every little event leads to the next, how my grandfather's character was built little by little, but steadily, I have realized where I fit in. My father was a joy to his father. My father grew up at the feet of this noble and strong patriarch, seeing first hand his hard work and faithfulness to the Gospel. And this has shaped my father into the man he is today, who is also faithful and "strong in body and spirit." Somehow I am blessed enough to be his daughter, who was raised by the most loving and diligent parents, who taught me and raised me up in righteousness from the moment I was placed in their loving arms. It is my responsibility to carry on this tradition and honor the heritage of my fathers. I do have great responsibility because of what I know and all I am blessed with. I have these righteous men and women to look to and learn from and I would be shaming their name if I did not live the kind of life that they have and that would bring them pride in what I have done with their name.

I want to honor my grandfather. I will live my life always remembering the life he lived and all he sacrified to give my father a better life, who sacrified to give me a better life. How I deserve it I do not know. But I will spend my days trying to deserve it and trying to live faithfully to keep us sealed together and safe in our covenants.

The feelings I feel I can not quite describe, but I feel them. I am changed because of this. My heart is truly turned to my fathers.

to honor and be inspired

Last weekend my husband and I had the opportunity to attend the funeral of my dear Grandfather. We never expected to receive all that we did. Funerals typically have a reputation of being very sad and mournful, with black outfits and flowing tears. Yes, this was all there in part, but it was significantly overshadowed by feelings of awe towards our incredible grandfather. And I know when I say this I speak for not only me but the rest of our truly special family. His life was one of great acheivements, all accomplished through his dedication and unwavering faith to the Lord. He just "got it." He understood what brought happiness in life. He was not tempted by the things of the world because he realized they meant nothing, yet he acheived more in his 84 years than most. He truly was the "superior man" as my sweet father described in his talk...

“The superior man is spiritual. He exemplifies simplicity. He abhors being conspicuous. He is dedicated to service. Superior people are never bitter. Pessimism is the philosophy of vulgarity. The superior person is clean. His fellowship is refreshing. He is above his pleasures…A superior man is gentle, Superior men are humble-minded, or teachable, and they learn from passersby. The superior man is one with whom familiarity does not breed contempt. The superior man lasts; he wears well.” (President Harold B. Lee about Dwight B. Einsenhower)

That truly describes my dear grandfather. His 7 children, 47 grandchildren, and 101 great-grandchildren have all been deeply touched by being a part of his life and we all felt so loved by him. I know I feel honored to have been one of those 47 grandchildren. I can truly say now I understand those scriptures that say the hearts of the children were turned to their fathers. I feel a strong desire deep within me to live a faithful life to honor the name I have been given. I want to live an honest and unwavering life to honor my grandfather and be a woman that he would be proud of. He truly led by example, never boasting, just constantly serving, whether in the temple or in the kitchen.

"Our father was the greatest man I have ever known. To us, his children, he was the very personification of a patriarch. He was our ‘Abraham’ who at a young age, in spite of having a father who was antagonistic to the church, sought for the blessings of the fathers. He desired to be a “greater follower of righteousness, to be a father of many children, a prince of peace, desiring to receive instructions and to keep the commandments of God.” Having been raised by a widow in the heart of the depression, he did not have the benefit of a righteous patriarch to train him and whose example he could follow. Consequently, he was acutely aware and desired that his children have a righteous example to whom they could look. I remember, from my earliest youth, kneeling down every morning for family prayer. When my father would pray, it was unlike other prayers I have ever heard. When he would talk to his Heavenly Father, the veil was thin and you felt as though the very heavens were making note of his requests. I once asked him, “How did you learn to pray like that?” He said that as a young boy, because he did not have a father, he learned to turn to his Heavenly Father for guidance and counsel."

My Uncle Whitney spoke at the funeral and gave the life sketch and it was soo incredible. The stories he told were priceless and wonderful! My grandfather was not only faithful, but full of life and so much love. I have a copy of his autobiography and I am so excited to read it and learn more about the inspiring life of my grandfather.

What a blessing it was to be with family. We truly are a special family. We are so close-knit and there is so much love between us. What an amazing posterity my grandfather has begun. We can only spend our lives trying to make him proud and stay close as he would want us to.

As the days after the funeral have continued to pass, I continue to feel such a sense of gratitude and humility for my blessings. To be a part of the family I am so blessed to be in, to have sat at the feet of such a faithful patriarch and learned from him, to be sealed be sealed to my sweet mother, father, and brother in the temple as the first sealing he performed, and to have him seal me to my eternal companion and best friend.

He has gone ahead to prepare the next great James family reunion with his dear wife, Grandma Norma James. I know he is with me now and my life truly is forever changed by his influence.

As my sweet father said, "God Speed and fair well Great Patriarch, we look forward to sitting at your feet again someday."

little Sydney, our love

the James gang :)

i just loved this picture for some reason, Sparky is the greatest :)

BCF FOREVER!! LANDMU!

lovin the love :)

i had the most lovely time with my mother and dear grandma. from our costco/gelato trips to our girls day out with grandma... my love for my grandmother grew 100 fold times this trip! she is such a sweet lady. and i love you mom!

my dear grandpa

My dear sweet grandfather has passed on to the next life to be welcomed on the other side with so much love and anticipation. I can't even fathom the love he must feel as he was welcomed by his dear sweet Norma and all those that he touched in his life.

I can only begin to express my gratitude and love for my dear Grandpa. I am in awe of how many lives he has touched and how many people admire him and revere his name. He has left such a legacy through his posterity. I feel such a desire to honor his name and live righteously. I know he is watching over me and I always want to live in a way that will make him proud of who I am. He was an incredible example of righteousness and unwavering faithfulness. He motivates me to be the kind of person he was. As my cousin Paul said... "a man I will always try to model my life after." It was so wonderful and special to me that we all have such fond and special feelings about Grandpa and all feel the far-reaching effects of his love.

My dear grandfather truly is an amazing man. He was a well-respected dentist who sacrificed so much to provide for his family. He loved so much and so many. He was a sealer and a patriarch. The first sealing he performed was sealing me to my family. Although I do not remember, I still have sweet memories from the stories I have been told and what I can imagine. He gave me my patriarchal blessing when I was 15 years old and how truly in tune with the Spirit he was. I hold that blessing so close to my heart and am so thankful that my grandfather was able to be the mouthpeice of Heavenly Father to me. He sealed me to my dear husband, the greatest gift I could receive. I can't express the deep love, gratitude, and admiration I have for him. I will never forget the words of counsel he gave to Dan and I during our ceremony. I remember looking at him in his white clothes and thinking "he truly is an angel." He really is an angel to me.

Although this time is so hard, I feel an overwhelming sense of peace that I can't deny. Peace that he is safe and loved and doing the work of the Lord. Peace in knowing that he is happy and he could not have lived a more dedicated life.

As my cousin Melynie said, "Peace in the most flawless life you've ever seen lived. Peace because of the joyous, heavenly reunion that must be happening right now. Peace because even though it was sudden, I got to say goodbye, and thank you, and I love you. And peace in the absolute conviction that families are eternal and that I will indeed see him again. And joy and gratitude in the legacy that he blessed us with, and in the relationships that are still located here on earth."

I couldn't say it any better!

I love you Grandpa! There is a place in my heart that is yours and always will be. :]

How to find Peace&Joy in life

I am so thankful for my life and the Gospel. I truly do feel the Savior's love for me every day. What an amazing blessing that I can say that and truly mean it. Jesus Christ truly does know who I am and the deepest needs and desires of my heart. He watches over me and gives me those things that I need, often times when I don't even realize I need them. Jesus says, "Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek ye diligently and ye shall find me..." (D&C 88:63) But we must do our part!

There truly is only one way to find true joy in this life and it is to follow our Savior. We must pray to our Heavenly Father fervently every day and read his words in the scriptures. We must try to serve others and try to be humble. We live in a world that is becoming more and more wicked and it is getting harder and harder to distinguish between right and wrong. We must cleave unto what we know is right, cleave unto our husband or wife as if our life depends on it. Our lives truly do depend on it. If we do not do these things and let Satan creep in, he will slowly take us as he "desires to have" us. We are fighting a war against Satan and his influences every day. If we were going to fight in a literal war we would put on our armor and shield and bulletproof vests to protect ourselves. We are fighting a war against Satan and we must arm ourselves with the Spirit and prayer and read our scriptures if we want to survive in this wicked world.

Just look at your life. Are you feeling overwhelmed or stressed? Do you feel like there is something missing in your life? Do you feel like you could be a little happier and you're just not sure how? Do you feel like you need a little more patience to get through every day? If you feel any of these feelings then evaluate yourself. Are you studying your scriptures every day? Are you praying fervently to Heavenly Father several times throughout the day? Are you trying to get to know Christ better? Are you serving your family and serving in your calling? Heavenly Father wants to bless us if we only do our part.

I love my Savior and I know he loves me. I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the only church that contains a fullness of truth as in the times of Christ. I know that we have a prophet today, just like Moses and Noah and his name is Thomas S. Monson. He leads and guides us and shows us the way. I hope I can be a little better every day. I hope I can show my Savior my love for him through loving others and doing what is right. I know it will be a lifetime journey and I will have to put forth the work every day, but it is worth the eternal joy and peace that comes.